Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize