i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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