I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
