god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
