I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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