Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
