My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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