wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize