Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
