i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
