Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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