I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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