We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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