Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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