Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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