my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
