is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
