Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
