Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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