OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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