East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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