if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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