u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
