matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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