i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
