Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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