Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
