Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
