based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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