I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
