i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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