I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
