I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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