how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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