when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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