Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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