ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
