Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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