my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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