Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
