theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
