as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
