Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize