I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
