is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
