oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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