I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
