He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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