Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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