Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
