So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
