Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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