Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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