The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
