I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
