Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
