Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
