i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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