You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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