so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
