I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
