why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
