hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize