I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
