yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
