I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
