I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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