he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
