I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
