We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
a search helicopter?!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
