I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I bet he comes in French.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize