3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
