Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
