You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
