I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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