OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
