OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Randomize
