I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
