Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
