I'm so fucking centered right now
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize