I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sext me about skeletons
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