I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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